Relationships have there share of tests and trials and often times to keep the peace it’s easy to become complacent and lose your voice for the sake of peace. However, I caution against doing this because it leads to ineffective communication where everything just gets swept under the rug. Two grown adults should be able to sit down and calmly discuss issues that arise in their relationship, after all, no one is perfect. Think about it… two people come together and grown in love and with this they bring along their ideologies, beliefs and sometimes wrong ways of handling conflict. If your in a relationship it’s only a matter of time before conflict arises. However, that is the time to employ effective communication skills to address the matter head on, once and for all. It shouldn’t be that every time you try to communicate with your significant other about something that he/she does that you don’t like, it causes a big argument or he/she stops talking to you.
If you find that you are unable to express yourself to your significant other that’s a clear sign that your probably in a manipulative relationship. For example, you slowly learn to keep any opinion to yourself and try to have a blank expression whenever you are feeling a little uneasy.
Have you found yourself saying any of the following statements?
• I don’t want to make a fuss or cause an argument
• What’s the use? He/she never change
• I don’t want to be a burden on my partner
• I don’t want to come across as needy or a nagging
• I’m afraid they’ll reject me and cut off communication if I speak up for myself
• I feel guilty if I speak up for myself
Your relationship should be a safe place to express yourself and talk about things that are bothering you. If you don’t you will build up resentment and a hardened heart towards your significant other. This can also cause you to feel helpless, bitterness, guilty, fed-up and generally unhappy. If you are not speaking up for yourself, being who you truly are or communicating in a healthy and authentic way with your partner, you are not having a voice in your relationships and this causes stress and unhappiness.
Your choices are:
1) To put up and shut up by being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship, feeling helpless and staying unhappy for years to come?
2) Taking the chance to find and speak your voice and live a happy, fulfilled life aligned with your authentic self? A relationship where your needs are taken care of. A relationship YOU are truly deserving and worthy of?
The decision is ultimately yours and only yours to be bold and deviate from your current situation. Here is my takeaway for you, don’t lose your voice, don’t suffer in silence, your whole identity should not be caught up in your partner.
Truth Be Told… “I’ve experienced silencing in A relationship and I know that my silence and calm was actually a huge sign of me emotionally detaching, which eventually lead me to feeling numb and safe to leave my significant other.”